A Depressing Saturday

Family

Well, on Saturday I was roped into going to yet another family get-together on my wife's side, and once again the gut-wrenching ordeal has left me feeling humiliated and depressed even today as I write this. It's not that I don't get along with my wife's side of the family. I do, in fact, like them. They're all very nice - Everyone, that is, except for my c**t-bitch sister-in-law Kathy who I can't stand to be around.

My distain for Kathy goes back to the summer of '97. One day I got into an argument with her over some family issues. It got pretty heated. Anyway, at one point during the argument Kathy became afraid that I was getting ready to hit her or something. However, before I even did anything, she just hauled off and kneed me right in the balls as hard as she could. Her kick messed me up pretty bad, and I was in a lot of pain, so I ended up having to go to the hospital to have my balls checked.

The stupid bitch actually did something to me that created $5,000 in unnecessary medical bills just to prevent a beating that was never going to happen! Looking back on the fiasco, I still can't decide which was more embarrassing :

A) allowing myself to get kneed by Kathy
B) the weird looks that I got from the hospital nurses after I told them how it happened!

However, at the time I was damned thankful to have just survived this disaster with my manhood still in one piece!

Nevertheless, Kathy's a big girl. She's about my size - 5' 10' and 160lbs and she's taken karate. She's also been working out since before my wife and I even met. As a result, her thighs have gotten quite huge over the years and, as I found out, damn powerful! That's why Kathy was able to mess me up so bad! I kid you not when I tell you that Kathy kneed me in the balls so hard that I was still in pain and walking funny three weeks after the incident happened! She kicked the sh*t out of me and it was the most miserable experience of my life!

Ever since my ill-fated encounter with Kathy's right knee I've often fantasized about the possibility of punching her lights out! Although, realistically I'd never even try -- simply because I'm not a violent person and because I've already accepted her many sincere apologies. So unfortunately revenge isn't even an option. However, the thing that pisses me off the most right now is just knowing that Kathy would probably kick my ass if I ever really started anything with her.

The fact is, I've been a couch potato while Kathy has been working out all this time. Unfortunately, I blew my back out when I was twenty and I haven't been able to lift weights since then. In fact, my back was absolutely killing me for a month after the last time I tried to put 70lbs over my head. Not only that but I've also taken karate for a year just to find out that I couldn't kick my way out of a paper bag. So in a fair fight, who am I really supposed to think would win? Me or Kathy?

She'd probably kill me!

Because of all of this, Kathy's the only women I've ever known that can actually make me doubt my own masculinity just by her being there.

If you're still wondering why I wanted to avoid that gathering then try these two on for size:

At one of our gatherings a few years ago, Robin's little daughter came up to me and said, "My mommy told me that Aunt Kathy kicked you in the balls and you cried! Hahahaha'"
How am I supposed to feel after hearing that?

Then, later on my wife told me that whenever Kathy calls she always asks, 'and how's numb-nuts been treating you?' I can only imagine some of the degrading things that Kathy's probably said about me in front of all her other relatives?

Those are some of the reasons why I just wanted to evaporate on Saturday when Kathy arrived! From that moment on I felt as though everyone was laughing at me. My ego is in total shambles right now, and I've been feeling like a complete zero since Saturday afternoon just from the emotional strain of having been put in a position to be reminded of all this garbage! It's so embarrassing!

Go ahead and laugh if you want to, because I can't change any of it.....