My cousin : The Jerk

From: Mark


hi, im 14 and im going to tell you a really embarrassing thing that happened to me the other day.

My mom and dad were going to my grandma's for an adult dinner and they asked my cousin Scott to babysit me.

They told him that he was to tell them if I misbehaved and I would get a spanking from each of them.

Now, Scott is 19 and he's a complete jerk...

The day of the dinner came and scott came round. My parents said goodbye to me and off they went. Scott sat down and asked me what I wanted for dinner. I suggested eating out, so he drove us to a little restaurant which had a small show going on and i was pleased.

We ordered and when the food came I forgot to say thank you and I also burped.

Scott, being a jerk, told me that he was gonna tell my parents that I was rude to the staff and that he would make sure i was punished.

I said "oh yeah? how?" then he walked off...

I saw him talking to the waitress and then came back smirking.

The waitress walked over to the phone and called someone.

About half an hour later and we had just finished dessert a woman on the stage asked if me and scott could go up.

I was reluctant but Scott dragged me. When we were there, scott sat down on a chair and pulled me over his lap.

Then he said "To all of the little boys and girls who aren't behaving here...i wanna let you know what you get for being bad."

He pulled down my tracksuit bottoms and underwear began to slap my butt. There was a mixed reaction to this act of discipline and my butt was starting to go red when the doors opened and someone screamed :

"Mark Paul Thomson, I thought I told you to behave?!" - there at the door was my mom and dad and they started walking towards me. They walked up the steps and onto the stage grabbed me by the ear and walked me down to the floor. They then took me to the waitress and told me to apologise. Then came the worst part. They were going to let that waitress spank me in the kitchen!!

My heart dropped as I couldn't believe that i was being spanked for doing nothing wrong.

I was dragged (by my ear) to the kitchen and forced over her lap. She then grabbed a spatula and hit me on the butt 30 times (i know the amount cos i was made to count them)

After the third one I was in tears. when she was done my mom grabbed my collar and pulled me through the restaurant and out of the door.

When we got home i went straight to bed. i got a spanking of my dad the next morning and one off my mom that afternoon.but the worst one was being spanked in front of all those people

My cousin hasnt let me forget it since by slapping my butt once everytime he sees me..The jerk.

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Comments

  • Kayle

    3

    Hi My name is Kayle sounds like K (long a ) and no E sounds Kayle Well thats my nick name my real name is Kayllee and I am just turning 13.. No way that jerk.. Lets prank him ya know get revenge without him knowing that you did it and get some proving next time scott lies.. Now get video camera or bring the one you have every where you go and ask that you can get a video camera for you birthday or christmas etc. go to pranks vs. pranks on youtube and I also have some plans for you for revenge.. PRANK 1:
    The closet scares
    Okay what you want to do is get all black clothing do NOT let any part of your body show only let your eyes show get a tight black hat that goes on top of your head and now put a peice of cloth around underneth of where the hat ends ( if you have a sewing machine it is recomended to sew but you don't have to..) now you want to put it all the way up to your eyes and now in a closet or something he wants to get into make sure you hide
    PRANK 2
    The new lanuguage
    Make up your language here is how to do it : (thanks to wiki how)

    Name your language. You have full control over it!
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    2How should it be pronounced? You can choose how to pronounce the language, but to make it look professional, you might need to learn the IPA.
    3Create the language's alphabet. This is where you can get creative. It could be anything you want. Some ideas include:
    Use pictographs or symbols. Many languages, like Chinese, use pictographs or symbols to represent their spoken language. If you choose to do this, you'll also have to come up with a pronunciation for each symbol. Give a name for each letter. Decide what you are going to use for numerals.
    Use an alphabet already in existence. If you use our English alphabet, for example, you will simply have to create new words for things rather than coming up for an entirely new pronunciation system.
    Combine different alphabets. Add accents to existing letters (ex: spanish's ñ) to create new letters or sounds.
    4Create the vocabulary. These are the words for your language. You should start off by making common words first, and then move on to less common words.
    Start with the foundation words, the words that will be used very often. These are words like "I", "he", "his", "and", "a", "to", and "the". Then move on to verbs such as "to be", "to have", "to like", "to go", and "to make".
    Move on to common things. As your vocabulary grows, start naming everything you can think of. Remember countries, body parts, action words, etc. Don't forget numbers!
    If you're stumped, remember you can borrow words from other languages. You can even alter the word. For example, the french word for man is homme. The Spanish word—hombre—is almost the same, with only a few letters/the pronunciation changed.
    Open the dictionary and begin copying words with their translations. Not only will this be helpful if you forget how to say something, but it will ensure you don't miss a word.
    Try to make the words easily pronounceable—you don't want to be stuck with tongue twisters every time you open your mouth.
    Make your words appear natural. One common pitfall for language makers is to use too many apostrophes in vocabulary words.
    5Create the grammar rules for your language. These describe how sentences are formed. You can copy many from existing languages, but you should change some rules to stay original.
    Decide how to pluralize nouns. You need to have a way to tell the difference between "book" and "books". Many languages add an -s as a suffix. You could choose to add a suffix or even a prefix to your words. You may even add a whole new word! (Examples: If book = Skaru, then books may equal Neskaru, Skarune, Skaneru, Skaru Ne, or Ne Skaru, etc.!))
    Decide how create the tenses of the verbs, which tell when something happened. The three main tenses are past, present, and future. You also need a way to tell the difference between words like "swim" and "swimming".
    Create replacements for other suffixes. These are things like -ly that turn English adjectives into adverbs, and -ness that turns words into nouns.
    Figure out how to conjugate verbs. Conjugation is how a verb is modified to show who is doing it. In English, we say "I like" and "He likes".
    Write sentences using your new language. Start of with a simple sentence like "I have a cat." You can then move on to more complex sentences, like "I like to watch television, but I prefer to go to the movies."
    6Practice. Just like learning a foreign language, it will take practice before you can use your language with ease.
    7Test it out on everyone. You will love the confused look on their faces, you may look like a weirdo, or even a jerk, but don't let it discourage you!
    Optional: Teach other people your language. If you want to be able to use the language with your friends, you should teach them. You can even try to spread your language to as many people as you want.
    8Store your rules in a dictionary or phrase book. This way you will always have something to refer to if you need help remembering your language. You can even sell them to make a little extra money!
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    EditTips

    When starting off, follow closely to a language you like. This will make grammar much easier to make. You must avoid simply copying the grammar rules, however, as this would technically turn your language into a code.
    If you want to make other languages, you can use this language as a model and change some letters or sounds to create a different language. This makes your first language a proto-language—a language that branches off into a family of languages.
    When making a writing system, take a break about every five minutes and come back to it or all your letters will begin to look identical.
    Basing letters on objects (pictographs) is an easy way to start a writing system.
    Practice your language often.
    Try this with a group of friends. It's much more fun when there are other people that can understand your language.
    Make sure that you and your friend(s) all follow a systematic language system. In other words, make sure that you follow the same guidelines.
    Don't use random letters. It should make some sense, so that it will be easier to learn and speak with [Example: Don't use oh as e, hello as llo, and See ya as c yah).
    Make sure you practice saying and spelling out many basic words in your language, English examples: is, who, when, of, why, if, what, where, can, may, etc.
    Another tip, try not to make your words sound like utter and complete gibberish just add a little extra than our regular English language. We don't want a knot in your tongue after speaking to your friends. Just put marks over the letters or make up something right on the spot, you might have to take some time on this!
    You'll Need
    A notebook to write down your alphabet and some basic words
    A guide of root words to use. speak this language when he is around do not let anyone know you have your own language
    PRANK 3
    The toysy prank
    You are really becoming a prankster and you are doing great! Now break some stuff that he touches often etc. please note to cry when you show your parents
    PRANK 4
    saran wraps-toilet bowl
    Good now put saran wrap round toilet bowl have ya heard of this prank yet? google it if ya dont know how but it is great espacaily when he is being a jerk to you etc.
    PRANK 5
    write on the walls and make sure it has his name in every room He will be so freakin busted make sure it looks like his hand writing tho also
    Please note that it is NOT washable
  • someone

    0

    ur parents are mean!
    i dont know how its at your place but my folks wouldnt even dare that!
    cant u just take down ur parents and revolt or something?
  • Austin: ...
    Austin

    0


    Sounds as though you have to put up with a bunch of JERKS in your family!!
  • Anonymous

    0

    FROM : zulaikha (2005-01-17 @ 15:35:12)
    i would say he is more than a jerk. He should be thought a lesson. And that was not at all funny. Even if he was given the authority he should not have taken advantage of the situation. I say teach him a lesson for lying and being so MEAN..

    ...And your parents too!! What kind of idiots would threaten any kind of punishment and not make good & sure it was deserved?! They're all lucky you aren't like me, man... there would be blood!!
  • Alan

    0

    Oh, wow! I also have a cousin, Scott, who is a total jerk. He is now 57, and it's hard to imagine an adult human being who is so incredibly clueless about everything. This bozo has a master's degree from the University of Maine, which says a mouthful about that institution. I can't begin to describe how out of touch with reality this clown is -- ya gotta see it to believe it!

    In his defense, I must say that his parents played a large part in his being so fucked up. His late father was a latent homosexual who thought his only son should be a major-league ball player. So he spent countless hours throwing baseballs at Scott's head to teach him not to be afraid of the ball. Yeah, right!

    Scott had only one talent which was music -- he was a natural, who could play piano by ear. But his parents thought he should be something more cerebral than a musician or choir director -- something like an engineer. But Scott could hardly do simple math, so that didn't work out too well. His father, with an associates degree, fancied himself and "engineer," so it was only natural that his gifted son should follow in his footsteps and even exceed him in this noble pursuit. Screw the music, Scott was destined for finer things.

    So he became a teacher up in the great State of Maine. It's hard (and scary) to imagine this goofball up in front a class of children, but there he was. This lasted a couple years before the dim-witted Maine-iacs figured out this fool couldn't cut it.

    So then he went on to a stellar career with the U.S. Postal Service. (Ever wonder why the mail is fucked up?)

    I mentioned his father the closet queen, but his mother's attitudes about sex also helped craft his psyche. When she finally got around to toilet training him about the age of four, I can remember him standing in front of the toilet to pee, and when he reached down to grab his little dick, his mother (in her infinite wisdom) admonished him saying, "Never touch your wee-wee button." Gimme a fucking break, how is he supposed to get that thing in and out of his pants to take a leak?

    I can also remember her telling how Scott came home from school in the 7th grade and told her he needed to have a jock strap for P.E. Her comment to him was, "What? For your little thing?" This she told an assembled group of relatives one evening when Scott was present.

    Now there's a confidence builder for you. Whoa! No wonder the boy is seriously fucked up.

    All this is only the tip of the iceberg; you've got to experience Scott to appreciate the depth of his ignorance, cluelessness and other-worldliness. But maybe this gives you a hint of what my cousin the jerk is actually like.

  • AllyPallyPooPaa!: ohhh u poor thing xxxxxxxxx...
    AllyPallyPooPaa!

    0

    ohhh u poor thing xxxxxxxxx
    u reli need 2 get him back! may i suggest locking him outside naked (always a good one) or maybe putting all his undies in water n then in the freezer? good luck xx
  • Anonymous

    0

    This is not in the least bit funny... this is abuse. 3 simple steps:

    1. Talk to someone
    2. buy gun
    3. shoot mum, waitress, dad and cousin.

    That waitress's behaivour was totally unproffessional. If I were you, I would go back to the restaurant or cafe or ring them up or whatever and talk to the owner or manager about what she did. That was totally unproffessional, and if I was her employer I would fire her immediately.

    I also think you should talk to a trusted family member (not mum, dad or cousin) and tell them what happened. It was not okay for your cousin to lie like that when he was in a position of trust... It was also not okay for your parents to hit you like that. That is not funny... it is abuse. It is illegal.
    It is an act of violence and humiliation and that is never okay.

    Besides, if you really are fourteen, you don't need a babysitter... you are legally old enough to stay home without one.
  • Curtis

    0

    Can't your parents hold their drink? That is abuse. It isn't funny, and abuse is NEVER okay. You forgot to say thankyou and you burped. Oh yeah. Big deal. Besides, the law says you don't need a abaysitter when ur 14 unless you have some extremely serious medical condition like epilepsy or something where it's dangerous to be left on your own.

    I also think you should report to the waitress's employer (if he or she doesn't know already) that she did that. That is unproffessional behaviour.

    What your parents did was completely unacceptable. Same with the waitress. Same with your cousin. You need to realise that and do something about it.

    That wasn't funny at all, and I shall personally kick the arse of any pussy who laughs at it okay?
  • Marion Wilson

    0

    That's not funny at all.
    That is abuse.
    You should talk to someone about it.
    Your parents and cousin humiliated you. I am disgusted with the three of them - actually, the four of them if you include the waitress. Why didn't you tell them that all you did was burp (and that could happen to anyone) and forget to say thankyou? That is assault and assault is illegal. Go talk to a teacher at school about it - they can help you there.
  • Anya

    0

    omg r u fur real?!?!?! i am soooooo sry for u god i would have just not went anywhere i would have ran god that must really suck and u r 14 man i feel so sry for u. why would u need a babysitrer at 14 i am 14 and i hadn't had a babysitter sience i was like 9. dude ur parents need to relize that they r tottaly jerks and ur cosion i would have punched his damn lights out (sry if i mispelled anything i can't type worth crap)
  • Sweet Revenge.

    0

    Get a sharp Knife..., Wait until Scott is asleep..., Sneak up on him..., And castrate his sorry scrotum off of him. Run away laughing and show Mom and Dad. Rape the waitress and leave Scott's scrotum and balls there to frame him. He goes to prison and gets buttfucked by a guy named Bubba, who turns out to be his biological father. Becomes asnally pregnant and delivers an asshole baby who they name Mark Paul Thompson, after you, who made it all possible.
  • hi

    0

    Don't tell me you all BELIEVE this LOAD of MALARKY!!! NO restaurant would EVER go along with that (public nudity...spanking...in a restaurant? GET REAL!!) And no parents would EVER do that in front of all those witnesses (hello! Police would have been called!!!) and NO waitress would randomly beat a kid with a spatuala just because "the mom told me to." GET REAL! This is some guys sick fantasy of getting publically spanked! And who gets babysat at 14????