Embarrassing Sex Story - Not gonna get it after all..

Not gonna get it after all.. - Thats Embarrassing!!

Submitted By : Anonymous

So there I was in this club desperately trying to pull and she walks in. A goddess! What the hell she saw in me I don't know!! Any way one thing led to the next and she was asking me back to her place. Problem was I really needed to take a dump but asking her to wait while I went to the bogs didn't seem the right thing to do at the time. So.... I sucked it up and we jumped in a taxi back to hers.

20 mins later, we're getting off with each other in her flat and I just can't hold it any more so I ask her if I can borrow her toilet for a second. She says fine but tells me that she wants to take a shower first so why don't I wait for her in the bedroom! You see my predicament! There I am with this sex kitten but I need a shite! Well, I couldn't stop her from taking a shower so trying not to shake too much I head into her room. I turn down the lights to make it nice and moody and sit there on the bed imagining the joys that were sure to follow. By this time however, I really need to go so. I'm dying and am trying to think of what I can do!!! Then it hits me!! The greatest idea since HP sauce!! I take off a sock, pull down my jeans and kegs and proceed to do the business in the sock. Unbelievably, I don't spill a drop and by tying it up, I can use the top to wipe my arse too. After finishing up, the only problem I have to deal with is disposing with the dirty sock. I look around the room but am unable to find suitable places for the offending garment to be hidden. Then I spy the window.

Looking out I see that after a small back yard, there is a wall and beyond that a park. So I'm thinking to myself that if I make it over the wall I'm safe. No problem. I start swinging the sock around my head. Once! Twice! and then i let FLY! The sock sails over the wall and well into the park. I feel as if I've scored the winning goal in the World Cup!!

Feeling relieved and horny, I sit on the bed, take the rest of my gear off and wait for the angel to exit the shower. I hear her finish and she enters the room! She looks hot in the towel and as she lowers it to the ground and turns on the light, her face turns from one of lust to one of horror!!! and I see WHY!

Splattered on all 4 walls is shit which must have leaked out through the sock while I was spinning it round my head!

Stumble

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FROM : stephen
Oh my gawd!

FROM : Anonymous
you are a dumb bastard!

FROM : holly
good one!

FROM : Orangian
OMG! This is hilarious. What happened next?

FROM : Big D
such a brilliant plan ruined by overenthusiastic celebratory, um, twirling.

FROM : tom
In friggen credable. WOW you deserve a star just for getting it in the sock, but i wouldn't have been able to get out of there quick enough, Laughing my ass off on this one, Gross though

FROM : Rebekah
Thats fucking discusting!

FROM : haha
lol that sux i had to wipe my ass with a sock once

FROM : Anonymous
Bull Honkey!

FROM : Anonymous
uhh...woah

FROM : Umm BS?
Fucking Bullshit.... Y would any one need to swing it around there head!

FROM : Heywood Jablowme
Strikes me that with all that shit flying, you just HAD to get some in your face. Probably just too drunk to notice it, huh crapfaceboy?

FROM : Janet Jones
u r retarted! NEVER EVER CUSS! What if a christian child heard that story?! u r a disgrase!

FROM : Anonymous
omg i can imagine that happpenin! lol poor u

FROM : oh fuck
damn that was FUNNY AS HELL. god thats nasty but hell, thats still funny!!!!:):):):):):):):):):):):)

FROM : Lucinda
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, what the hell were u thiking, why didn't yuo just stick your ass out the window and shit there?

FROM : Sam
Wow...That's horrible

FROM : vanesssah
omg! That is so fucking hilarious! when you gotta go, you gotta go, shit!

FROM : eggs
why didn't you just shite out of the window?!?!

FROM : Zara
Lmao!!
omg unlucky!!

FROM : omg
omg thats soooo emmbarrasssing!

FROM : sam
something just stupid

FROM : lalalala
that is embarrassing and quite disgusting!

FROM : ManDerZ
omfg lol.

FROM : Seach
Do you really expect us to believe that...
come on u just copy an old joke and made it an history..you change it a lil but is the same...a guy go to other's house he feel liek shiting and do it in a sock,the sock have a hol and the shit go off the sock...
seriouly man get ur oun fucking histories...
LOOSER

FROM : gigi
NO!!!!! THIS CAN'T BE TRUE;IT'S TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!

FROM : jesse
o fuck that is hilarious

FROM : Chris
OMG!!!!!!!!!
that stupid fag

FROM : Emi Thornton
What was the point of spinning it round u should hav just lobbed it!

FROM : Tiffany
I just have to say that well my boyfriend and i just broke up and haven't been in the mood for comedy but when I read your storie I laughed soooooo hard. Man that had to of sucked so bad. Thx for making me laugh.

FROM : Jason
So did you still give it to her? ahha

FROM : Jonjo Miller
My girlfriend, Jasmine Brown, finds it a turn on, swinging a sock with a big steaming bum sick in it i mean, especially when it goes on her face.

FROM : mike
can i see a picture?

FROM : Charlie
i pity you greatly. hope it work out, somehow. it would take a miracle though

FROM : anonymus
yah id sit here and read this but its fukcin boreing i read the first two words tho u gay homo yah thats how patheitc ur life is yu fat jerk!! u see that light over there? ya? well l;et me see how far i can shuv it up ur ass!!!! have a nice day =]

FROM : katrice
what a dumbass

FROM : Anonymous
how embarrassing

FROM : lilly
Oh...MY...God...if this story is real then it is very well written and very unlucky for the guy involved!

FROM : wole aguda
I'm nigerian. This is goin to make my friends shout!

FROM : Julian
That was very nasty.

FROM : kirsten
u poor thing

FROM : Mimi
that's sad....

FROM : carina
i feel really sorry for that person hope that dosent happen again

FROM : Anonymous
oh my god you need serious help

FROM : kailey
you suck

FROM : Anonymous
it was shit cause it was sooooo loooonmnnnngggg

FROM : Jess
ewwwwww that is so nasty like if i were u i would have just said that we need to stop at my house first that is so nasty.ewwwwwwwwww

FROM : annette
dang .. hahahah ... that was sooo funny .. why would you pooo in a damn sockkk ... hahahahahaha

FROM : Talia
OMFG!!!!!!! THAT IS SOOOOOO GROSS!!!!!! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

FROM : Stang5.0
Why a sock? you shoulda shit out the window...

FROM : whatever
it was sooooo stupid to spin the sock, and how nasty. Did you have to wash the walls?

FROM : dgnjid
why'd you spin it? couldn't you have just dropped it out the window?

FROM : butterfly
that sucks

FROM : Hank
lol dude that must have sucked lmfao wat she do?

FROM : Annabelle
OMG!!!!!! CRAWL in a hole and DIE!!!

FROM : Booger
pervert

FROM : Anonymous
eeeeeeeeewwwww but you guys did do it any way

FROM : me
aah yeh right like that is truww we all no it isntt(:

FROM : Anonymous
ouch! thanks for sharing

FROM : Anonymous
Trainspotting?

FROM : Bilbo
Yeah! Thats some gangstar shite! Write the rest you filthy idiotic being.

FROM : BeTHaNY
Oh my, that was so freaking gross. Wouldn't it have been better if you just dropped it into the back yard, as if she would have thought it was you.

FROM : bailey
scorre

FROM : Anonymous
I couldn't help laughing!

FROM : ..::BUNCHIE::...
eww wtf did you do just sit there? omg gross!!

FROM : C
GAH! I'd die!

FROM : nicole
this sounds just like something scott would do

FROM : Anonymous
Yeah my ass. you cant shit in a sock bastard

FROM : Anonymous
one of the few stories that actually made me laugh out loud :P

FROM : Anonymous
atleast u got to see s girl naked i wish i could suck ur penis,u sound horny

FROM : Anonymous
this is too unbelieveably funny... what a story to have.

FROM : Erin
i feel soo bad 4 u!! o god.. boys do the wackiest things

FROM : shell
thats soooo discusting if i was that girl i would make you lick the shit off my walls

FROM : dee
Roflmfao! Thats The Funniest Story Yet! I Pissed Myself.

FROM : lo0ol
yuck i wouldve threw u out naked hehe with shit all over ur face

FROM : cassey
you are a dumbass.

FROM : Anonymous
that is nasty!! omfg! i feel bad and thats a 5! is it too much to ask but did you have sex anyway? im a little curious after her seeing crap all over her room...

FROM : Anonymous
omg! i can't believe you did that!

FROM : Anonymous
I've heard this joke already...

FROM : Kayla
Why in the HELL would u shit in a sock?

FROM : Arizona
You poor unfortunate soul! ^_^

FROM : hotandlovinit
ur a ass that is like a faske stry gb

FROM : kaea
you are a stupid ass next time dont swing the damn sock man jeese disposed of it so it dont stink okay

FROM : no
um.............

FROM : Anonymous
Lol keep swingen buddy, when u gota go, u gota go, least your not like some of these people leten em go during sex. keep up your good work booda

FROM : Anonymous
HILARIOUS.... if it were true

FROM : Anonymous
ewwwwwww

FROM : Anonymous
When you say shit do you mean semen or...shit?

FROM : ben
thats a classic..reminds me off a girl that is soft...

FROM : Bullshit!
Bullshit!

FROM : Curiosity
That is a funny f**kin story LOL.

FROM : malina
lmfaoo kaea makes such a good point:P why would u swing the fkn sock? like wow and this story is so gay..

FROM : louise
duddeeeeeee thats such a lie

FROM : samantha
haha this is a joke i hear it al the time

FROM : Kate
Why did you spin it? You could just say your really had to go and please, please can I go before you get in the shower, and most people have more then one bathroom! You are really stupid!!!!

FROM : Lex
damn i wish that was a real story!

FROM : Hello231
wow. thats nasty dude..

FROM : horny
if i was her i wud hv likd the hsit of the walls thn lickd u

FROM : tq
can be true

FROM : tk
cant be true. this is a v v old joke

FROM : darla
OMG!!! that totally sucks man i really thought you were gonna get away wit it!!!lol ...i have to admit this has to be the most emberrasin story yet man i wonder wat happend next!

FROM : Anonymous
How did that EVER seem like a good idea? I mean, just tell her you have to use the bathroom first. Stupid.

FROM : Usagi
Wow you fucknut, this is a joke first of all, and second of all why the fuck would you shit in a sock?

FROM : Anonymous
sure...

FROM : Anonymous
you are retarded who swings a sock with holoes and with crap in it youre retarded

FROM : rOSS
LMAO I LAUGHED THE WHOLE TIME READING THIS

FROM : Claudia Nguyen
I think thats sexy

FROM : Anonymous
Liar.... This is actually a joke

FROM : angie
why wouldn't you just run out side quickly and poop? It would just seem like dog poo. I mean... A sock? Really?

FROM : Thomas
What ever happened to trash cans

FROM : wow
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBIES

FROM : BOOB!
ZOMG BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBIES

FROM : Anonymous
a sock?

FROM : Anonymous
I HOPE this is a joke!LOL!

FROM : Anonymous
No my one is worse i was at my friends house and i really neede to take a crap, but then she started coming on to me and so somehow got me half naked on the bed, and before i knew it it was all over, i'd had sex with her and managed to crap everywhere at the same time. Needless to say she didnt ask for a repeat performance.....

FROM : Sherry
Oh whatever! I've heard this before you liar.

FROM : Anonymous
lmdao0o00 damn and that sounded like such a good ass idea..how the hell didnt u smell dhat?

FROM : poopoopants
lol that sux for u losa

FROM : Susie
1 word ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROM : Meghanrox
WAT THE HELL!?WHY WERE YOU SWINGING THE DAMN SOCK!? WHY DIDNT U JUST PEE IN A BOTTLE! DUMBO! have a nice day! :) lol

FROM : Anonymous
lies.

FROM : Anonymous
Hmm sounds like a pretty good idea in an emergency except for the spinning thing part

FROM : me!!
yea.. common man.. a sock??

FROM : anonnymousgirl
such a lie, like that would rly happen!

FROM : teisha
wow lol thatz crazy! n why the girl juz cudnt let u use the bathroom first b4 she took a shower that cud of waited!

FROM : jess
that has to be the worst

FROM : undenified
OOOOOH THAT IS HARSH MAN!Post her picture on google man!

FROM : marisssa.
hahahahahahahahahaha! oh god.

FROM : Anonymous
nasty ass

FROM : K3Vin
*ROFL DUMASS*

FROM : noname
Why in the HELL would u shit in a sock?i can't believe you did that!how in the heck did the shit fit in a sock?

FROM : Anonymous
u dumbass u should have just gone outside real quick.. didn't hear room smell like you just took a shit in it?

FROM : wtf
Dude, why wouldn't you just go to the bathroom. Like really, a sock? you're a fucking moron.

FROM : LEO
FUNNY LIKE DEATH

FROM : John Craig
Well...I was 13 at the time and me and a few friends went to the swimming complex with all the plumes and wave pools etc. We all decided to dare each other 2 times each. Some of the dares were, dive of the top board, take your shorts off under water for 30 seconds. Then it was me turn, as we approached the top of the stairs to enter the slides, Kevyn said, I dare you to let us pull your shorts down. I said no, but they did it anyway and it was glass all round so both people outside and in the queue could see my penis. I had barely started puberty, so my penis was still small, i had little pubic hair and my balls hadn't dropped. I went down the slide head first but as I was about to go, Paul grabbed my shorts and pulled them off me and said it was my forfeit for mot wanting to do the dare. So I was going down the slide naked and to make matters worse, Paul put my shorts down the other slide which ended at the opposite end of the complex so I had to run naked past everyone in the pool to get my shorts.

HUMILIATING to say the least. Then my next dare was to try to take off a girls bikini top and then touch her breasts. Well, she caught me and turned round and slapped me on the face and then punched me in balls. It didn't hurt me because my balls hadn't dropped and when she seen it didn't hurt me, she put her hands down my shorts, pulled my "3 piece suite" out of the water and began to scratch it with her sharp nails until the lifeguard caught her and told her to stop.

Its not finished there, when we were getting changed - in open plan changing rooms with no cubicles, my friends said I was embarrassing for not doing any dares and they would have to give me one last dare to be my friends again. I unwillingly agreed, they took my locker key, took my shorts off and emptied my locker. They went and gave the girl who I mentioned earlier my clothes and asked her to lock my stuff in a locker in the girls changing room. I had 5 minutes to get the courage to go into the girls changing room naked and ask the girl, who I tried to strip earlier to give me my clothes back.

I now have ditched my friends and believe it or not, I am going out with the girl who I tried to strip. They are so jealous.

FROM : me
i was in my room when i was 14 and was rely horny, so i tried masturbating for the 1st time. i'd researched how 2 do it on the internet computer in kitchen when no one was home . It felt rely gud and when i was climaxing i gushed out cum all on the sheets. i was scared i get caught so i panicked and ran to the kitchen to get some bounty and cleaned it up. then, i put on my pants and decided to go out for some air, and calm down. i went to the drugstore in the area to get some crisps and pop and one of the girl that’s a friend in my neigborhood (Sara) was there with her mother. i said hey and she was like hey, and then she says, what’s that all over your shirt? I was like where and she ran her finger over it and was like, ew is that drool? I said, hell no and looked down and there were drops of cum all over my tshirt! i was tried 2 laugh and said no, it must have been
from the glue gun, and left immediately, my face in flames. It didn’t end there, though. 2 weeks later, no one was home bc my parents had gone for their anniversary so I tried rubbing one out in the living room. My pants were almost all the way down to my knees and I was standing in behind the couch which is beside the narrow peek through windows on either side of the front door. I was getting rely into it, wen the door bell rang. Instinctively I turned and then fell back on my ass, also hitting the back of my head, and my hand getting one last accidental yank. I freking came right there, and Sara was the one at the door! I don’t remember ever being that embarrassed bc she was staring at me with wide sauser eyes, and saw the whole thing! I tried to pull my boxers back on and that’s wen she ran away. I haven’t spoken to her for two years, bc each time we see each other, that’s wat we remember. Recently she started talking to me a bit though, mostly because weve seen eachother a lot during summer vacation now, but I don’t think she ever forgot. I kind of like her, but I’m worried if I ask her out she’ll bring it up or reject me bc of it.

FROM : differentgurl
lol wtf

FROM : hmm
clearly made up. People on here are lame.

FROM : bill clinton
I was walking in the park with this girl that I met earlier in a house party. She pulled me down on the grass on top of her and we really started some heavy duty making out when out of no where a sock full of shit hits me in the head, WTF!

FROM : steven jobs
u dumb mutherfuckerrrrr btw im in hevan and i fuck bitchs all the fuckkinggg time! :D

FROM : Christian
I don't believe this

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